By Shaykh Mohammed Aslam

We are living in such a weird time. The poor want to swag and show the entire world they are living large. The rich are desperate to find a single person who is actually interested in them - and not their money. Those in war zones are crying out for peace. Those in safety want to prove who can cause the greatest devastation. The old use botox to hide the wrinkles and would do anything in this world to look slightly younger. The young buy clothes and makeup to look just a bit older and revealing. Those with light-skin pay thousands to get a bit of a tan. Those with dark skin spend fortunes on products to look a touch lighter. The skinny want to gain a little weight to feel more beautiful. The overweight would do anything to shed fat so they could feel more accepted. The tall are sick of standing out. The short look in the mirror every day wanting to be slightly bigger.

Parents pray for a little free time away from the kids. Those without children yearn for the gift of a newborn. The married are frustrated with their partners. The singles are fed up of being alone. Leaders secretly wish they did not have all these responsibilities. Followers wish they could take the seat of accountability. The employed are desperate to sit home and chill. The unemployed are going crazy and running around trying to find a job. People on one side of the planet are sick of all the rain. On the other side of the world, people are praying for a single drop. "If only my nose was straighter! If only my bank balance was bigger! If only... if only..."

Everyone dreams of "If only" but In reality - Allah knows what is best for us. Everyone thinks that the next man is living better than him. Everyone assumes the grass is always greener on the other side. That is not the case. All of us believe that people out there are living perfect lives, but we forgot that nothing in the dunya is what it seems. Perfection is only in the Next World. Allah said, "And few from My servants are truly thankful."  The Prophet ﷺ did not stand up or sit down without showing gratitude to Allah. He said if you wake in the morning with food on your plate, with security in your home and with good health then you have been given the treasures of the world. How often we forget that! Our Lord said, "If you are thankful - I shall surely increase you."

Air yang tenang

Air, air yang tenang
Usah disangka tiada buaya
Wajah, wajah yang senang
Usah disangka hati bahagia

Gelora, gelora di jiwa
Gelodaknya kecil, ubatnya ketawa
Menangis, menangis air mata
Setitis mengalir, meragut kecewa

Bintang, bintang yang cerah
Gapainya jauh, hujungnya tak tiba
Tangan, tangan yang gagah
Bukan kau punya, kenapa nak hiba

Maruah, maruah milikmu
Tercalar mahunya disengajakan
Jaga, kau jaga hatimu
Senyum dahulu, esok kau tangiskan

Maruah tercalar

Maruahku tercalar
Tapi siapalah aku
Si pendosa yang pertikaikan
Rezeki dan takdir Allah?

Penghargaan

Entah apa yang penat sangat dua tiga hari ni, tapi banyak sangat yang bermain di fikiran. Konsep rezeki, apapun kena bersabar. 

Penghargaan manusia memang sukar nak peroleh, dah buat macam-macam pun masih tak cukup. Penghargaan Tuhan tak pasti, sebab sebagai manusia biasa, lakukan saja apa yang mampu, apa yang terbaik. Apa yang tak baik, yang buruk, yang dosa, elakkan sedaya yang boleh. 

Sedih, kecewa, tertanya-tanya mana lagi yang boleh diperbaiki? Apa lagi yang perlu diperbetulkan? Tapi tengok orang lain pun tidaklah sesempurna mana, tapi mereka lebih dulu dapat penghargaan manusia. Agaknya betullah kata-kata 'Usah lihat orang yang nasibnya lebih baik dari kita, lihatlah orang yang nasibnya lebih teruk, lebih rendah, lebih berduka daripada kita, supaya kita akan lebih bersyukur...'

It's ok. Lega pula dah luah kat sini :)

Blaming game

When you work in Klinik Kesihatan you meet different kinds of people every day. Most of the time you can appreciate the different view from other people, but sometimes you will just open your mouth in disbelief and close it because you lost word to comment anything.

Last week I had an U5M (Under 5 Mortality). A 9 months old boy with no comorbid was the victim. On the first day when the news was out, people blamed the babysitter. The next thing you know, just the next day, people blamed the parents.

Who to blame and why the blaming game? Initially, when the news said the baby had bleeding in the brain, possibly due to 'Shaken Baby Syndrome', of course, people will accuse the babysitter because the baby was under her care during the incident. The next day after the postmortem, it was said that there was bleeding but was not due to abuse. No evidence of physical abuse was found. Also in the news was mentioned that the child had fever for 3 days prior to the incident. Just after the news was out, people changed their mind, the parents were the suspects then.

I had the chance of meeting the parents a few days after the incident. The baby previously was under the care of our clinic and I was supposed to make the report for this case. The parents looked strong and gave full cooperation. They wanted justice for their baby, at the same time they accepted the fate. Must be so hard for them, their first child, the only child :(

I didn't manage to meet the babysitter yet. The nurses and I did plan to meet her but she went back to her hometown. The pressure of people accusing her to cause the death of the baby may cause her to be stressful and down. So for now. we didn't get the other side of the story from her.

Thing is for a high profile case like this, people nowadays like to add spices and flavor in their comments and posts. They blame and accuse and punish like they are God. Everyone has their own opinion but if you don't know the whole story, wouldn't it better if you just keep whatever accusation you have in your own head?

Where can I find a Muslim female O&G specialist in Manjung?

Today a friend of mine came to the clinic, wanted a second opinion regarding her pregnancy. She is currently at 38weeks pregnancy. I did a scan for her when she was 36weeks, the baby had a transverse lie so I immediately referred her to the hospital. Apparently, she asked for an AOR discharge despite the counseling given for her unstable lie. She was keen to deliver in a private hospital. 

Well, today she came to me saying that 2 days back, she had a follow up in a private hospital. She was told that her baby weighing 2.8kg and her AFI (amniotic fluid index) is high - 21. She was told to come back for a repeat scan on the 31st of Jan. The thing is, she said every appointment will cost her ~RM270! Quite a lot for a chit chat and scan she claimed. Previously at another private hospital, they charged her around RM100+/appointment, never reaching RM200. So she asked me very nicely whether I could her help to scan and to double check her AFI.

Turned out that her AFI was normal, only 14.8. I scanned twice for confirmation and the result was about the same. Even during her 36weeks scan, her AFI was about that range, far from number 20. I counseled her and gave some suggestions since she looked worried and frustrated. Of course, the AFI level may increase and decrease throughout the pregnancy but for now, the AFI is normal. Even the presentation was cephalic and she had no labor symptom so she shouldn't worry much. 

She asked me whether she should still go and repeat her scan in the private hospital (and pay RM270)? I answered her with honesty but let just keep it as a secret ;) 

She delivered her 4 children previously by a female Muslim doctor in a private hospital. For her 5th pregnancy, she is very keen to do the same. Unfortunately, in Manjung, most of the O&G specialists are male and non-Muslim. The nearest you can go is Ipoh or Taiping. 

To conclude all that, we really need a female Muslim 0&G specialist in Manjung! You can really make money here you know!

read-learn-write

If you really like to write, you need to start by reading. By reading, you learn. By learning, you can write good stuff. Once you know how to write good stuff, you feel happy and satisfied!

The dream to further study in Public health

I am turning 34 years old this year, and just last week, I took the entrance exam and interview for Public Health master programme. 2months prior to the exam, I pushed myself to study hard. But well, it was hard. It was hard for me to concentrate with husband was not around most of the time, what with the 2 heroes running and seeking for my attention, and when I had finally had my own time, I will be occupied with the phone! The phone is the strongest enemy. Of course, if I want to make an excuse, the study was slightly difficult and many new things to learn and to memorize. Once I did not understand something, my mind went blank and my hand will move to the phone. The rest is history. Every time I realized 'oh, what am I doing?', I went back to my study but the time still wasted.

To prevent myself from doing the same mistakes over and over again, I write! I read,  I understand, and I write. I realize when I write, I can memorize better, my mind can focus better, no time is wasted. The time is so precious because, at any time, the kids could come and jump on you, or they simply ask to make milk for them, or they poo. But thanks to them, my life is alive, whatever I am doing now is because of them. I want to further study so I could become a specialist, in a hope that I can provide a better life for them. Thank God people in Public Health currently encourage the doctors who want to be part of them, to prioritize family too. Family first, they said.

This reminds me why I want to further my study. Can't remember where I read/heard this saying that all Muslims are encouraged to study until the highest level you can go. For me, since I've been working in Klinik Kesihatan for a long long time, if FMS is a no-no, Public Health is the only another option. The good thing about Public Health is that everyone must learn from the beginning. I am not too far behind the others. We are also obliged to be in the Mentor-mentee programme for at least 6months for learning more deeply on Public Health. New health issues come out every day so you learn from there too.

How were my exam and interview? Not bad I guess, I did my best but obviously still lacking here and there. My nerves during the interview were also quite a disaster. But I guess it's all up to my rezeki now. Tawakkal to Allah and redha with whatever result I get. Allah is always the best planner. So you pray, pray that He always guide you to stay on the right path in life, pray that whatever comes along in your life has a good reason, pray that whichever road you choose to go, it is the best road that leads you to His blessing. InsyaAllah...

Cukup

Macammana nak rasa cukup

Kalau hati asyik teringin

Di kanan mengukir pelangi

Di kiri terbangnya tinggi

Lari-lari lelahnya jasad

Tak terkejar nafas di dada

Tergapai-gapai memetik bintang

Emas di tangan tergelincir

Janji yang Satu janji yang pasti

Hati yang kosong ruangnya sempit

Mahu apa tak dapat apa

Apa yang ada Dia beri semua

Write!

ok in 2018 I posted only 2 posts in this blog lol! I spent much of my time looking at phones or handling the kids, made me forget that I like to write in my past time.

I wrote a novel during secondary school, most students in my class would take turns to read the novel and told me they enjoyed reading it. I myself enjoyed writing it. somehow the novel didn't make it when one of my friends sent it to a publisher, not sure what happened but i didn't get back my novel, wonder where is the novel now hmm..  The thing is, definitely, i can write a story. even in our yearbook under my picture, it was written:- 'future novelist'!

where is the dream to become a novelist gone i wonder? of course, i have a stable career now, a family and other responsibilities, but i still remember there was a wish in my heart that someday i would write a story and get it published. i wish that someday i can buy a book with my name on the front cover as the writer. Possibly possible?

ramadhan 2015 day1

1st day

abiskn surah taubah

mathurat sughra

zikir

terawih :)

menu

bur bur bur

pilih...

keje stress, marah2, tension
akhirnya sedih, badan letih2, muka nampak tua
pahala x dapat, gaji adakah berkat?

keje cool ja, ikhlas, anggap setiap pesakit membawa pahala
hati pun senang, balik rumah bawa senyuman
pahala insyaAllah dapat, gaji pastinya berkat

di umah...
buat keje sikit hati dok ngomel2
asyik fikir negative je
last2 keje yg siap sikit je, badan & kepala yg terlebih letih

masa xde husband dok teringin
bila dah ada husband (dpt pulak husband yg baik), x hargai pula
masa xde anak dok teringin
bila dah ada anak (yg super comel & sihat), x hargai pula

sebelum tidur fikir yg baik2 saje maafkan semua...
bangun tidur senyum dulu ikhlaskan segalanya...

aku & 2015

faheem dah setahun 8bulan.
plan nak pregnant sejak bulan 10 aritu,
masih belum ada rezeki

plan dari tahun lps nk pergi umrah
duit dah cukup, dari 8 org jadi 5 org..dari 5 org cuba jadikan ber3..tapi kesudahannya  x jadi..
masih belum ada rezeki

dan sebaik2 perancang adalah Dia juga..
manalah kite tahu ada kebaikan di sebalik.
mesti redha

sekarang cuma tinggal keputusan master yang belum muncul tiba.
katanya bulan 4 nanti.
nak kata ternanti-nanti tak juga.
nak kata dah yakin tak juga.

itulah. semua itu perancangan Dia.
ingat, Dia sentiasa lebih tahu.
apa yang baik, apa yang buruk.
mungkin itu jalannya.

apa pun.
apa yang ada bersyukur.
apa yang tiada..bersabarlah.

kawan atau lawan

bile fynnjamal post ni..baru la tau sbnrnya ramai je yg alami nasib yg sama..

lbh2 lg masa zaman remaja..baru nak kenal..baru nak celik mata belajar tentang hidup..

untuk apa lagi dikenang? biarkan ia berlalu

u smile much much more now than then

be happy
even when u have no one by your side, Allah will always be there...always!

do good

~Do good; and kindness will come to you..

baca dari instagram fynnjamal, inspiring artist.

tapi dia pun xsure dia baca quote tu dari mana.

tapi mmg betul kan

do kind things..even a smallest thing..& Allah will repay with kindness

biar yg baik tu hanya sendiri & Dia yg tahu

beri rezeki pada org lain..tolong org dari segi zahir atau tidak zahir

dan Allah akan mudahkan kita

alhamdulillah

dapat pengasuh baru faheem dengan mudah..baik pula tu

pengasuh lama stranded banjir, pengasuh baru ada appointment di klinik..
ah sudah
usaha sikit, terus dapat pengganti yang boleh jaga faheem semalam

alhamdulillah

mungkin itu berkat dari kebaikan kecil yg dibuat satu ketika dulu

wallahualam

atau mungkin juga rezeki faheem sendiri..budak bertuah yang belum ada dosa

alhamdulillah

terima kasih Ya Allah

moga kebaikan akan berterusan selepas ni..tanpa mengharap balasan manusia..berharaplah hanya padaNya..

insyaAllah

Allah suke mereka yg berdoa

susah nak start

weekend lps blk dengkil, sbb isnin exam utk master..

nak dijadikan cerita tgh dok makan sesama abah & en suami tetibe abah btau kaki abah blum sembuh betul lagi..abah mcm berat hati nk gi umrah dengan keadaan dia mcm tu..abah minta tangguh g umrah..

hm dalam hati rasa berkecai

sbnrnya x sabar sgt2 nk g umrah tu..sbb dh plan smpi pening2 kepala aritu cari travel agent..pastu ada gak baca2 blog org yg g umrah..bile dh baca tu yg rasa makin x sabar, x sabar nk ke makam Rasulullah, x sabar nk solat di masjid nabawi, x sabar nk ke tanah suci bersama jemaah lain, x sabar nk tengok Kaabah depan mata..

tp nak buat mcmana..mungkin blum smpi rezekinya..

rezeki duit dah ada, kesihatan pula x mengizinkan..

Ya Allah..

Allah x pernah janjikan segalanya mudah..mungkin Allah dh rindu nk dengar doa aku, rayuan aku..

dah lama x berdoa dan berharap bersungguh2 dengan khusyuk..mungkin Allah nak aku berdoa lagi..

dan Allah jualah sebaik-baik perancang..

aku kena redha. apa-apa pun kena perbaiki niat. in shaa Allah

jemputlah aku Ya Allah..ke tanah suciMu

sucikan hatiku, ikhlaskan niatku

ameen

help others

When you help people, don't wait around to hear them say, "Thank you." A lot of times we do good things, but in the back of our mind we're hoping to get some appreciation. But if you make your intentions pure, and you expect only from Allah, He will take more care of you than you could ever imagine -Nouman Ali Khan

mesti ikhlas!

dok baca blog lama (yg penuh emo tu), rasa mcm aku ni messed up sesgt

i mean, berapa ramai org yg Allah bg dugaan yang lbh berat?

aku ni, actually sgt bertuah.

alhamdulillah. klu fikirkan balik, aku je yang x bersyukur.

bile tgk org lbh sikit, rasa mcm ada sumting berat dalam hati.

amende la.

setakat ni ada family yg penyayang, anak, rezeki yg x pernah putus. Alhamdulillah

so cube ikhlas!

ikhlas sebagai seorg anak. ikhlas sebagai seorg isteri. ikhlas sebagai seorg ibu. ikhlas sebagai seorg doktor. ikhlas sebagai seorg manusia.

memberi lebih baik.

dugaan yg Allah beri untuk menghapuskan dosa yang lalu, sekiranya kite bersabar.

kadang2 rezeki tu cepat, kadang2 ia lambat. tp Allah dah rancang semua, bersesuaian dengan apa yang terbaik utk kite

ingat, sebaik2 perancang adalah Dia.

ingat x dulu masa pindah Perak, ada masalah untuk claim elaun pindah. mcm2 dugaan siap kne ngadu kat pegawai jkn. alhamdulillah last2 dapat jugak..dan duit tu elok2 je time nk kena guna untuk belanja kahwin. see? Allah dah rancang semua. mungkin kalau dapat duit tu awal, dah boros belanja. bila nk kawen tibe2 x cukup duit pulak. kan?

apa yang penting, bersangka baik dengan Allah. Allah adalah apa yang kite sangka, kalau baik sangkaan kite maka baiklah yang kite dapat. kalau kite bersangka x baik, maka x baiklah yang kte dapat. Bersangka baik dengan Allah. InsyaAllah.

Allah beri ibu bapa, maka hargailah mereka. Allah kurniakan suami, maka berbuat baiklah. Allah hadiahkan anak, maka bergembiralah. Allah berikan pekerjaan dan rezeki, maka bersungguh-sungguhlah, mesti ikhlas.

insyaAllah